which is messier my life or my hair
today i learned it took a team of 11 people to write fergalicious
My dildo finally came in the mail
what did the mommy giraffe say to the baby giraffe?
in PE we had to write assertive responses to pressuring statements when you don’t want to have sex with somebody and
I’m sorry
*hides good snacks from family members*
Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful.
you can go fuck yourself
do u ever just make scenarios in your head that will never happen but makes you so happy so you just keep on imagining them
(Source: unfierce)
everybody wants morgan freeman to narrate their life but I want five sassy singing lady muses
I was at walmart the other day, and I was sitting on a bench waiting for my mom to pay, and I was braiding my hair because that’s something I do when I’m bored, and this dude walks by and says, “hey baby, what else can you do with your hands?” I gave him my most polite smile and said in the sweetest way possible, “strangle you.”
And I think I actually scared him because his eyes got kind of wide and he just walked away.
(Source: shesdonejim)
(Source: tastefullyoffensive)
no matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s i’m still gonna eat it
i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life
*uses snapchat text bar to cover double chin*
